An enjoyable evening with close friends. A six month grudge at last brought to an end. We’re all human. A realisation and acknowledgement that he’s worth – as a friend – me sticking by, not ditching. Which would have been wrong on so many levels. It’s not ‘love interest’. At least, not in the usual sense of the word. Far too tricky to explain in a blog post; few would understand anyway.
So the evening was better and more enjoyable than I’d anticipated it would be.
He still worries I look too thin. I still worry he drinks too much. Bear hugs and back slaps and I’m relieved I didn’t – in the end – throw the baby out with the bath water. Life is too short, after all, to throw relationships away.
Thanks for your thoughts (and emails!). It has been a difficult time but I think that clarity and calmness have, for the most part, now been reached. I’m not saying there’ll be no more histrionics ever. It is after all him and it is ultimately me. And I am a demanding and over-sensitive type with very high standards for people I’m close and loyal to. But I need to learn to temper some of my intensity.
Ultimately I now feel a lot more sane and grounded than in recent months. And on that note, it’s 1.30am and I’m home and in bed and ready to crash!